Laurianne's Hope: December 2005

Laurianne's Hope

Saturday, December 31, 2005
A Walk to Cherish

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 10:33 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Thank You All

Since this is the last day of the year I want to thank all the people who read my blog since I started it
your replies had made it easier for me to cope with the death of Lurianne. It has been a challenging year in many ways for my family and me. I call it the year for the ultimate high and low. I really hope for 2006 thatCalem stays in our life. He of course has been the highlight of our life and the year 2005. this year brought awarenes in me that life can be unpredictable and nothing can be taken for granted. I hope for all people who lost family and friends this year the best and that your pain will subside. I want especially thank
Just help me for giving me blog support. I know I am not always good with replying but I really
appriciate it. I know you lost a loved one to lungcancer this year too and I know it is a difficult time for you probably too.
And I wish you the best around this holiday and 2006. My blog came out a little more serious that I wanted too but thats how it went. I hope with my blog to bring more awareness to
lungcancer in 2006. To all your bloggers I wish you a happy new year. Personally for me I am done with 2005 And ready for2006 as much as I wanted it to be.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 9:50 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Friday, December 30, 2005
In Her Own Words

Here is an email my sister sent to her friends to update them on her condition and to share with them her excitement for the Relay for Life event. I wanted to share her positive attitude and her hope that Calem's generation would not have to face the trials she was facing.

Hi Everybody!
Everything here is going pretty good. Calem is getting
very big, and loves to smile and talk. The only thing
he doesn't love is to sleep at night, but even that
seems to be getting better!
I am still doing chemo, in fact I just signed up for
another 4 months, and in addition I am taking a chemo
pill daily. Something may be working because my tumor
markers were lower on Monday's visit! They can't see
the tumor in x-rays because of all the fluid, but it
is an indication that the tumor can be shrinking.
One of my current projects is raising money for the
American Cancer Society. My family and I are
participating in the signature fundraising event Relay
for Life. We put together a team, and with my team we
will have one person on a track for a total of 24
hours. The event opens up with a cancer survivor walk,
which they have asked me to lead. I will be cutting
the ribbon, and pushing Calem in his stroller. My web
page for this event is
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=102947&lis=1&kntae102947=4305B697F6474019A39DF3332BB77858&supId=89531556
On the right hand side you will see team ranks. Click
on the link that says "more" than you will get a list
of all teams and you will see my name as team captain
for the Cancer Kickers. If you click on my name, there
is a picture I had done of Calem and I when he was 3
weeks old. I hope to raise a lot of money for the
American Cancer Society. I am amazed how many people
are affected. I read that 1 in 3 people will be
diagnosed with cancer at some point in there life! I
hope that Calem and his generation will not have to
worry about cancer as much as we do.
Everything else is going pretty good. This summer
seems to have disappeared before it even started! It
is hard for me to believe that Calem is already almost
2 1/2 months!
I am attatching a more current picture of him. He
looks cuter to me every day (and I am not biased!)
Being a mom is an amazing experience.
I hope everyone is doing well. I will keep you all
updated on everything.
Love,
Laurianne

Posted by Lynda :: 11:03 PM :: 2 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, December 28, 2005
small things

Today I went to Homedepot to buy some paint stuff. While leaving the store I guy ran up to me calling Henry Henry. I didn"t recognize him at first but then I remember him. He works as a security quard in the hospital Laurianne has the baby. His name is Henry too and we got to talk then.

He said I heard about your daughter passing away and I am praying for you. I was thinking on my way home those are the things making it a little bit easier. Some people you know for years will avoid you.I can understand that it is difficult sometimes to face somebody. But some people you barely know will go out of their way to talk to you.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 11:39 PM :: 1 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
10 hopeful things for 2006

It is toward the end of the year so I decide to come up with 10 hopeful wishes for 2006

World Peace
To end world hunger
To help poor nations to combat aid money for lung cancer
To come up with some new cures and hopes for people suffering from lung cancer
To end discrimination because there is only one race the human race
Peace in the middle east
For America to withdraw our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan
For a decent economy so all people can live with less worries about their income
Equal opportunity for women not only here in the USA but over the whole world
To find cures for possible pandemics like the Asian Flu

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 12:05 PM :: 1 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

If I could have a lifetime wish
a dream that would come true
I'd pray to God with all my heart
for yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back
I know because I've tried
And neither will a million tears
I know because I've cried.
You left behind my broken heart
and happy memories too
I never wanted memories...
I only wanted you.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 12:02 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Lung Cancer Claims Two More

Snippets taken from USA Today report of Phyllis Gretzky's death on December 19, 2005:

Phyllis Gretzky, the mother of hockey Hall of Famer Wayne Gretzky, died Monday night. She was 64.

She was diagnosed with lung cancer late in 2004 and died two nights after her son took an indefinite leave of absence as coach of the Coyotes to return home to Ontario to be with her.

She is survived by her husband, all five children and 12 grandchildren.

And the AP report of Vincent Schiavelli's death on December 26, 2005:

Vincent Schiavelli, the droopy-eyed character actor who appeared in scores of movies, including "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and "Ghost," died Monday at his home in Sicily. He was 57.

He died of lung cancer, said Salvatore Glorioso, mayor of Polizzi Generosa, the Sicilian village where Schiavelli resided.

A funeral service will be held Tuesday in Polizzi Generosa, Glorioso said. Survivors include a son, an ex-wife and a girlfriend, Glorioso said.

Rest in Peace, Phyllis Gretzky and Vincent Schiavelli.

Posted by Lynda :: 8:56 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Sunday, December 25, 2005
My First Christmas In Heaven

I see countless Christmas trees
Around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,
Please wipe away the tear.
For I am spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can't compare
With the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
The joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description
To hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart;
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
From my heavenly home above,
I sent you each a memory
Of my undying love.

After all, love is a precious gift
More precious than pure gold;
It was always most important
In the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
As my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings
Or love he has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas
And wipe away the tear
Remember I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

Posted by Lynda :: 12:28 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Saturday, December 24, 2005
5 things about me people may not know

I decided to pick up the challenge too after reading my daughter Lynda"s blog. I think my immediate family and friends know everything about me but we will see

I went to school in Holland to learn about agriculture. Some genius thought it was a good direction for me I hate to work around plants and doing yard work.

If I would have stayed in Holland I would have become a paramedic.

Before I got married I would have considered to immigrate to Australia.

I studied for 3 years psychiatric nursing I consider it equivalent to a degree

I hate to touch other people's hair. I consider it very dirty people combing their hair in front of me. It grosses me out.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 5:58 PM :: 2 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Thursday, December 22, 2005

A child that loses a parent is a orphan.
A man who loses his wife is a widower.
A woman who loses her husband is a widow.
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
for there is no word to describe the pain.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 11:02 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Today is one of the shortest and darkest day of the year

and it is also 2 months ago that Laurianne left us. It is hard to believe that at this time we were talking about death, How afraid she was for suffering or going on hospice. Thinking back it is hard to believe that she would be gone just a couple of hours later. Since it is 2 months and it is one of the shortest day of the year we wil burn a candle in her memory today.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 2:32 PM :: 1 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

2005 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends!

Welcome to the 2005 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Copy this into your blog and change the answers to your answers.

Enjoy!!

1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Eggnog after all I can hot chocolate the whole year through

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? He prefers to have them wrapped but he will do it if needed or if he cant find anybody to do it.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? white lights

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No but I will go with the traditions of mistletoe

5. When do you put your decorations up? Usual in the last week before Christmas

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Ham

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Going to the midnight mass my mother used to stay home and sat a nice table with candles for breakfast

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? After I start earning money and start paying the bills

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? It depends if I am working Christmas day

10. What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? Usual none

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it especially after being in Indiana last week.

12. Can you ice skate? Not much. Usual as soon as I got the hang of it the ice disappeared.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Three years ago we bought a new car it was delivered the day before Christmas. I climbed over the fence at the dealership to take a looked at it.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? I guess it is the spirituality of Christmas.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Pumpkin pie

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Having a fondue.

17. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Giving

18. What is your favorite Christmas Carol? Silent night.

19. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?! Yuck

20. What is your favorite holiday movie? I don't have one.

21. What is one gift you asked for this Christmas? A tattoo

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 9:17 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Frightening statistics

The following information I found on the lungaware website. I found it very frightening

Lung cancer in women

Monday, December 12, 2005

Lung cancer causes tremendous suffering and kills 165,000 people every year, more than any other single cancer. It takes a greater toll on women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer, and uterine cancer combined. Lung cancer hasn't inspired much activism or advocacy because its often viewed as a condition that smokers bring on themselves. But no one is immune.

I always thought my family would immuneune to this horrible disease. After all we lived a fairly healthy lifestyle and nobody smoked or was exposed to smoking. I hope that all people who read this blog and who has a long term cough or any other symptoms (Laurianne's was asthma symptoms and wheezing) to have it checked out by a doctor. If it can prevent for one person not to have to the same suffering as Laurianne it is worth this blog

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 11:02 PM :: 1 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

10 most positve things that happened to me this year

Tomorrow will be two months that Laurianne passed away and getting so close to Christmas and the end of the year I decided to focus on the positive rather then the
negative with the 10 most positive things happening to me this year.Here they are are not in particular order.
I saw Lynda and Dan a couple of times this year.
I have a good job with supportive co-workers.
I am having a good marriage.
We made a cross country trip this year something I always wanted to do.
Laurianne decided to come home again for the duration of her pregnancy.
I got to enjoy her every day.
I got more friends then I ever realise.
I was with Laurianne in the delivery room while she was having Calem. I will never forget the look on her face after I got to show her Calem.
Of course Calem came in our lives this year.
I saw Laurianne to be the happiest mother for 4 months you can ever imagine.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 10:55 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Monday, December 19, 2005
Laurianne Sightings

Faces of Lung Cancer
Stories of Strength - My Couragous Daughter
Stories of Strength - My Sister, Laurianne
Laurianne's Story (This speech is becoming famous!)
What Do You Mean, She Never Smoked?, Press Democrat, November 2005
The American Lung Association USA - The ALA will be sharing Laurianne's story in their new campaign next year to raise awareness of lung cancer, and that it is not just a smoking disease.

Posted by Lynda :: 9:12 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Sunday, December 18, 2005
Remember me

I hope I am not boring everybody with my poems but it helps me in my grieving process.

*REMEMBER ME*
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, they were cheated.
But to the joyful, I am at peace.
And to the faithful, I never left.
I cannot speak, but I can listen.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore,
Gazing at a beautiful sea….
*REMEMBER ME
*As you look in awe at a mighty
Forest and its grand majesty,
*REMEMBER ME
*As you look upon a flower and
Admire its simplicity…
*REMEMBER ME
*Remember me in your heart,
Your thoughts,
Remember the close, loving times
We shared;
The times we quarreled;
And, the times we laughed.
For in these times that you gently remember me
……I am not gone.
/--Author Unknown/

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 11:35 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Thursday, December 15, 2005
just wondering

After reading this article Court Tosses Judgment vs. Philip Morris. I am wondering what those people were thinking. how many ilnesess this lowtar low nicotine cigarettes has caused. It proves again if you are spending the money you can win every court case. I wonder with the money spend how much research could have been done on the potential ilnesess of those low tar low nicotine cigaretes

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 1:06 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
afterglow

I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done.
I'd like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways
of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny
days
I'd like the tears of those who grieve to dry before the
sun.
of happy memories that I leave when life is done

~Anonymous

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 7:09 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.

~Helen Keller

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 9:30 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

home again

We just arrived home from Indianapolis. The trip home was unevent full except for a duffelback wich didn"t arrived in Sacramento. As soon as we left Indy Calem felt on my lap in sleep.
In the sky and with Calem on my lap I felt close to Laurianne and a feeling of deep emotion came over me .We were lucky on the way up and back that nobody sat beside us so we could use the extra seat for Calem.Luckely we had a little more time in phoenix to get to the other plane so we could get some pizza to take on the plane with us. The weather here is pretty nice and a whopping 45 degrees almost a heatwave for us after our time in Indy. I gonna close this blog because it is 0500 Indiana time. i hope to blog more tomorrow

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 1:20 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Monday, December 12, 2005
Fistful of Santa Beard

The picture came out a little blurry, but you get the idea. My dad loves that Calem did this.

Posted by Lynda :: 8:39 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Sunday, December 11, 2005
Christmas time happines

Travel to Indiana ???? dollars
food cost ???? dollars
gas for car ???? dollars
being around family for holidays
and feeling close PRICELESS
even when it is earlier in the month

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 5:33 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Santa came early this year

Last night after we all sat down Santa handed over our presents. Josie got a nice silver lung cancer Ribbon and I got a program called do it yourself fitness. It was a great surprise and we both loved it. The nicest thing I think is that we are spending time together as a familie I . think every body else had a good time too. Personally for me I had felt more relaxed then ever
in the last couple of weeks. I hope at some point we can all live close together, and the only thing I regret is that Michael and Erin can"t be here.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 5:16 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Saturday, December 10, 2005
Come on baby light my fire

Yesterday almost a terrible disaster happened. It was getting late and I was trying to put dinner on the table. I had to to say Lynda is having an electric range wich I am not used to . I put a pan on the burner and with nothing in it and while put in the oil a flame shoot up in the air almost
putting the microwave on fire. after a moment of panick was able to extinguishing it.Damage
fortunately minimal. I am a little bit more careful with the electric range.Thanks heaven for
gas ranges

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 9:15 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Friday, December 09, 2005
All I want for christmas is

Santa Claus beard.We took Calem for pictures today at the mall.The first thing he did when he sat
on Santa"s lap was sticking his beard in his mouth.It was a real beard. Too bad we did not
have a picture of that. The real pictures came out very nice.So far we have a awesome time
in Indiana. Lots of snow real nice to see for a naturalised Californian.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 8:01 PM :: 2 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Not seen in years

I have not seen that much snow in 30 years. In California you don"t get that much snow unless
you go to the mountains. We went to the store yesterday it took forever .I was really enjoying the houses with the snow capped roofs and the lightened up Christmas trees know
it is probably a nightmare to drive in it,but it was nice for me because it brought up many
childhood memories

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 7:15 AM :: 2 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Today is the day

The suitcases are packed. I am amazed how much stuff needs to be packed for a baby.
It is time to take a shower and put the suitcases in the carThen a two hour drive to Sacramento. I hope the weather stays nice and our trip will be uneventfull

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 9:19 AM :: 1 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died
In life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
In my heart you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.

I thought of all the yesterday,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of wordly things
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
Ans since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were some times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't so.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me.

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart

-Author Unknown

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 9:10 AM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Monday, December 05, 2005
The Happiest day of the Year

Six months ago was the happiest day of the year.Calem was born 6 months ago.I was fortunate
enough to stay with Laurianne during the C section. When he was born I saw the happiest face
you ever could imagine. It is something I will never forget in my life. Of course we never knew what was ahead of us. It probably was good because for a little while we could enjoy the feelings of happyness like every other grandparent brfore the dark cloud of lungcancer was hanging over
our head.

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 9:16 PM :: 3 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Friday, December 02, 2005
Cancer Survivor

My dad found an article about lung cancer in the Grenada Star. This is an excerpt about a lung cancer survivor named Jamie Young:

Many Lung cancer patients give up hope and don't have the will to survive. New medicine, therapies, treatments and young people wanting to focus on this illness as a lifelong career is the only way to beat this disease and give the 160,000+ that are diagnosed every year the hope they need to look forward to the future.

Some people may ask the question. What about those people that continue to smoke after being diagnosed?

My answer to that is, "What about those people that never smoked and were diagnosed? There are no clear answers and why point fingers. Help should be given to anyone that needs it and asks for it.

That's what God wants to do. Help your neighbor.

Please visit the Grenada Star to read the entire article. Jamie's words are very powerful. I asked for permission to publish the whole thing and will post the article again if they let me.

Posted by Lynda :: 11:37 PM :: 2 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

very first time

Last night the 3 of us had dinner together.Calem is slowly introduced to some more solids.He is doing ok with rice cereal.I said to josie lets put him in the highchair
since it was dinner time for all of us,We fed him some fruit and carrots wich he loves
his whole face looked orange after that.I wish I had figured out how to let the camera
take a picture by itself.It would be a good memory for later .

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 6:06 PM :: 0 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

Thursday, December 01, 2005
Very nice

I realy like the way my blog page has changed .I like to have Laurianne"s and Calems
picture on it so when I open my page I can see them. It is also nice to click right away to Lynda"s blog page.I really want to thank my daughter Lynda to make that change and also for her continued support and trouble shooting with my blogs

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 1:55 PM :: 1 people are more aware ---------------------------------------

No more way out

The holiday shopping used to be a easy thing in the past. Usual way before christmas Lauriannne would call me and say this person would like to have that present. She usually knew what everybody wanted for christmas. A week later she would say I already bought it the only thing you have to do is pay me back, but I am not gonna wrap it. She would usually stick to the wrapping part and usually I tried to do it myself or went to the mall to have it done. I came to realize that this year I will most likely have to use my creativity. Who knows maybe I get my inspiration from somewhere else?

Posted by Henry (Calem's Opa) :: 1:52 PM :: 2 people are more aware ---------------------------------------